My sister and I... on the bus 190 to town! 

The bouquet of roses Zhongjie gave me for Xmas :) 

on the rooftop of esplanade...:)

Nostalgic memories of 2005...

Commissioning ball: from the right, Weilei, me, Li Hui and Jin Xing

My Commissioned Friends!

The grandeur of Regent hotel...

The commissioned navy FNO

The officers come marching in!

ChESS Com CIP at the Singapore Association for the Deaf

OG chalet rocks!

The outta course mates (except Li Hui of course)

My sister and I!

My pretty mum and sister

All the freshies unite!

ChESS Freshman Welcome Camp: My Aqua OG mates!

The joy of xmas...

life's been rather hectic recently... as my two other dear frens, char and aileen had revealed in their blogs earlier, we went out to celebrate aileen's bday last fri! have u ever tasted that gush of warmth feeling when u are out with frens u have come to know so well and whom u can relax and talk abt anything under the sun? i think one impt thing that i have come to treasure over the years would be the preciousness of friendships... i can never bring myself to forsake my frens... can u imagine destroying the trust tat both of u have painfully built over the years? i cant bear to or bring myself to do that... my friends, i have placed all of u in a special place deep in my heart... to others, xmas may be a season for shopping, holidays or even sleep... to me, it's the celebration of love and friendship... hey i may sound cliched and superficial here but i really mean it... the feeling of having true frens is wonderful...

so we ate at spageddies cos i got 15% discount on my visa mini but i regret it! the salad was really sour cos of the overdose of vinegar and the masala chicken doesn't taste well marinated... so much for the good impression i had when i had my class dinner or track dinner back in sec sch... :p looks like the standards have dropped over the years...

the next day was just as enjoyable cos i spent it with zj and it was a break away from movies, restaurants and shopping centres... we went gym and i shagged myself at the gym by hogging the abs machine, doing lots of free weights and doing the striding machine... i would love to do more cardioaerobic activities like racing the treadmill conveyor belt but too bad my hamstrings are strained! oh i must talk abt the visit to the chinese physician downstairs my hse... after he diagnosed that i overstretched my hamstrings, he performed acupuncture on me though i protested! one by one, he peirced those scary needles into my nerves and i felt this twinge of "suanness"... but it was pure pain when the needles pricked my right leg... ouch.... i was left alone with the infrared lamp which supposed to aid blood circulation in my hamstrings... when i tot the torture is over as he removed the needles, he rolled that small glass jars over my hamstrings... can u imagine those jars, emptied of air, trying to swallow up ur muscles when they're placed over ur skin? the memories were made more unforgetable when he rolled the jars up and down my hamstrings and calves... i simply screamed in pain esp when the jars are rolled over the back of my knees... i dun wanna get injured again....

well back to the date, we chilled out by watching america pie tog and then went lot one to eat dinner... we shared paper prata in addition to the main course we bought for ourselves... yummy! been eyeing it for quite some time but was worried abt the fats that i would add to my body! with zj, diets always fail... :P he had to leave after tat and i rushed home to get dressed up to meet my sis for midnight shopping at suntec! it was a special experience but we only got a giordano top each and aussino bedsheets... they're a steal! 2 queen size bedsheets for only 29.90... got 40% discount heheh

the next day was a meaningful day... we went to singapore association for the deaf to organise a xmas party for 15 old folks... i was struck by how little they have and though we only played games and served them their lunch, they're immensely thankful for our efforts... i wished i could give them more than just 2hrs of games... being with them realise how fortunate i am and i'm determined to give my parents a better life than the ones these old folks are living now...

if i am ever asked abt wat i would remember of this xmas, it'd be i realised how blessed i am!

guiltyconfessions...

yea i'm guilty of so many things:

1. not spending within my limits
2. not exercising enough
3. eating after 8pm
4. not giving my tutees the best tuition experience
5. not mugging french
6. not blogging often
7. not preparing for next sem!

but at least there're some redeemptions:

1. met up with old frens
2. gave xmas gifts to my beloved frens
3. wrote xmas cards
4. contribute back to the society thru cip
5. cleaned up the house
6. helped my sis with her chem
7. studied 3 units of french
8. finished reading thru the basic driving test notes
9. go for aikido trainings and track trainins!
10. continue with my amway business
11. read more about investing and financial freedom....

not bad... at least i did some worthy stuff so far... yea and i'm going to celebrate aileen's bday today with charlene! i miss them sia :) and we're gonna squash ourselves among the sea of sale shoppers at orchard mango outlet.. hope to find deals for next yr's new yr clothes :P tata... gonna go pluck my eyebrows... commissioning ball on monday!!! so exciting... haha

It's the holidays!

yea yea yea! my exams are finally over... went to teach tuition today and then went to claim back my creative mp3 player. I must say that I am very unsatisfied with their services because I only got back my player after 1 month! it's understandable that they're outta stock and the stocks need some time to get to singapore but they must take more than 3 weeks to arrive... still need some more time for testing etc... and the funny thing is when i called them today, they told me that i cannot collect today. yet, when i went to their main branch later, they said it can be collected. wierd isn't it? anyway, i'm relieved that i finally got back my zen micro and bought a new philips earphones @ only $24.. hehe :) i shall avoid creative products after sending the zen micro for repair the second time. i hope i never have to go to that inaccessible place again!!!

well... though the exams are jus over for a day, i felt like holidays have began long ago so it din make much difference after the paper yesterday.. jus have tis stronger sense of security and the guilt of not mugging is slipping away! hahah... but i mugged today.. for my basic theory test! basically jus staring at pictures and symbols la haha gonna mug my french in advance though... but not gonna start till next week haha... btw, i went to uob bank today and applied for an account :) gonna get my visa mini debit card in 3 weeks! how cool is tat man.... it has lotsa good offers like 20% off the shoes at pretty fit and other restaurants :) hehe... that's seriously my main motivation in getting the card hhaha

tmr, i'm going to teach tuition again then visit a tuition student at her hse... can u believe it? i'm going to teach her how to put on make up! hahah... then i shall shop at ikea and hopefully redeem the ikea points for some nice stuff to decorate the house :) exams made me a very homely person, i swept the floor every other day and arranged the stuff in my house... actually, it's for the sake of my tuition student who's coming my house la... dun think she wants to come to a filthy home hhehe...

yep... and i'm going to stay in hostel next sem! heheh so excited abt getting my own room and freedom.. i'm determined to train hard for running and mug hard for my studies! no more distractions like shopping... hahah the latter is a big big distraction man... sigh... jus hope the hostliers dun bother me much hahah i'll keep my door locked man! yup shall end here and shall blog soon!

exams is gonna be over!

finally, after a long draggy week, exams seem to end soon... haha.. not that i actually studied... only one third of the day is spent on flipping thru some notes , spending the rest packing my house, exercising or shoppin... haha this is life! but i would love to be outside for the entire day... my skin's turning pale from lack of sun exposure! hahha... haven been going for my cca too :P but now i feel like joining rock climbing.. can go mountain trekking or climbing at the end of each sem! tat'll be so fun and excitin... see how next sem maybe i'll join odac

watched harry potter: goblet of fire on sunday and I think it's kinda cliched... it's all so expected... voldermort reborn again... came up with some ploy and then got defeated by harry potter... but the integration of romance is a new one, rather insignificant but nonetheless saccharin sweet haha... potter is so hopeless at dating :p haha...

i'm tired of shopping btw... and that spells disaster cos what else is there to do beside shopping in singapore? eat? but i need to slim down! hahah.. at least for the commissioning ball i'm going on on 19 dec haha... oh dear... i'm supposed to follow a carb-free diet today but i ate bread, muffin and fried rice today! shit.... nvm tmr will be a better day *crossed my finger* anyway, back to the first question, what else is there to do??? sighz *despair*

Suddenly exams's ending very soon!

hahah euphoria suddenly knocks on my door today! hahah... well that's the name of the calvin klein perfume that zj got me... i'm so in love with it... designer fragrance and bottle! ah... hehehe.... i'm going to get him something nice for christmas!!! hehe... anyway, as i was saying, i'm very happy today cos the exams are almost over! the last one is an open book exam so not much and i got one week to mug! heheh.... tmr i'm going shopping with my sis and pass dear clara the perfume i helped her buy :) life's suddenly colourful

after these weeks of exams, i learnt that consistency is really impt.... tried to cram during the last few days and it's really painful... the formulae and concepts just adhere to the surface of my brain and vanish just when the exam begins... my mind is often like a blank sheet as i did my exams... if i'm nervous, it's even worse man... and i realise how useful it is to study with frens though it can be annoying when pple keep asking u questions... but the point is that u learn more and it helps u to remember certain stuff better hahah recalled some jokes that we made abt the chem notes today and it actually came in useful for the exams! hahah... maybe for the last exam i shud meet up with my frens to mug man hahaha... yup i shudn't play so much during exams man... kinda regret that i din focus more... but sometimes the law of diminishing returns really stick to u hahaha so gotta relax la... anyway shall blog again soon! gonna relax... :p

Getting into the mugging mood again

I'm so proud of myself today... I actually almost mugged continously from 9am to 10.30pm today! hahaha... of course i still take time off to shower and eat but being able to sit down for so many hours is a real accomplishment for me haha... dunno why as i grow older, my attention span gets shorter...

anyway, i realise that even as the going gets tough, by just telling yourself you can do it and you have to do it, determination and perseverance will take over... I was really falling asleep at two o'clock, having only completed writing out the list of chemical reactions (which covers two pages) and the dilemma of quitting or fighting on confronted me... Somehow, i just had this resolve to toil on and even went to the macdonalds downstairs my house so i can concentrate. But unfortunately, i still could not escape the noisy environment cos they're repairing the ceilings in macs... but since i was there already, i decided to stay on and go thru all the difficult chemical reactions...

3 hours later... i became familiar with most of the rxns! to think i even wanted to give up mugging for chem... by ten today, i finished all the past yr exam papers and i am pretty sure with the difficult rxns... that feeling of relief is simply incredible... and not to mention the feeling of confidence...

i told my dad that i wanted to give up today and all he has to do was to remind me of how hard i had worked in the past. why give up now? why let the past efforts go to waste? I must continue to fight, as the end is near... i can almost taste the sweetness of success :) just three more papers to go!

exams sucks...

haiz... i said i'll blog rite? here it is.... but now on a low note cos today din go that well... my mind was just blank and anxiety gripped me... thoughts slipped in and out of my mind and the worst scenarios played repeatedly in my mind... would i be kicked out of chemical engineering if i fail? haiz... i can only pray for the best now

i really doubt my scholastic skills these days cos i jus cant do well!!! maybe chem engineering is not for me... how how? i cant wait to visit my sch career counsellor... like wat my fren was saying, life lies in discovering ur gift and sharing it with the world but how am i gonna know it? when would i ever know it? or am i ignoring it cos it has no commercial value? i cant stand imagining myself just becoming an employee after i graduate, earn and spend, just like any other human... i want a way out... somehow

Today's judgement day!

today's the day! sigh... i knew the exams will come in the flash of an eye.... and it's less than 3h before the exams, what am i doing here? hahah... well just relaxing my mind... hope that my brains is rejuvenated later! even bought a secret weapon- brands essence of chicken! hahha... if today's exams is ok, then the rest of the exams will be quite fine already :) cos my worst subject is physics! but after so many days of non stop practice, i dare say i have somehow arrive at a much higher level of understanding of the elusive concepts of physics. haha physics is really abstract lo.... forces n heat are afterall, invisible and intangible...l how to do well? i'm just the kinda hands-on person, learn by doing... :P oh well, i shall do well today cos i want to!!!

maybe i'll update my blog later if i do well haha *grinz*

The reality hits.. 2 days b4 exams!

After all the shopping, celebrations and temporary escapes from reality, I realise i got to face the harsh reality-- exams in 2 days! i feel so unfocused these days, just doing what is the minimum... but i really really got to buck up! i wanna get my cap of more than 4.0! hai...

but today wat got me really excited is that i've finally registered for my basic driving theory test! haha... but it's like damn late la 27 dec... cant take my theory lessons b4 the year ends man... no matter wat i'm gonna get my license on the first attempt! shall work really hard :) set my goals high and achieve it! i think i'll just be the happiest gal on earth when i get my license and be able to drive my family around in the new red car! :) cant wait for the new car to come too...

yea that's all... see how sad my life is... nothing but mugging... and some cheap thrills... bleahz

Estee lauder spree!

i'm so happy today.... went to buy a car with my dad today and i can't help dreaming of the day when i get my driving license and drive my friends around! i went town alone after that to get the estee lauder set of cosmetics and i was like walking in circles in town.... went to tangs estee lauder counter and they're out of stock, went to paragon metro and they're outta stock too! luckily, in the end, i went to shaw tower's estee lauder and viola, that's the estee lauder set!! i was so exhausted from walking around on heels that i just told her i want it... hahha but i really adore the make up brushes, blusher, eyeshadow, lipsticks, eyeliner, lipliner and lip glosses!!! it's such a steal hahaha 2 of my xmas wishes accomplished liao :)

hmmm but apparently i never mug much today la... realised that i cant study well in the afternoon cos i'll be fidgetting around...super restless... sighz.... mug yeeling!

Time to mug...

it's time to get down to the books and judgin from today's pace it's not bad... managed to cover more than 5 chapters of stupid tedious organic chem in a day hahah plus time to cycle and shop... i like this kinda life... i am the master of my own time...

anyway, with 17 more days to go b4 zj comes back, i feel rather bored... used to the phone conversations we had everynight and today my sister has a camp, which makes it worse... but i also dun want time to pass quickly cos next fri is my first exams already! and of all subjects, it's physics... well at least i dun have to study french anymore... had the final test yesterday and i dare say i shud do quite fine :) too bad i s/u it hahah sigh... maybe i'll mug french this hols n ace next sem... pull up my cap score haha

these days, my dad have been debating with me over the issue of buying off-peak cars and i finally had to give in to him... he would not listen to my reason and keep assuring me that he can afford it... watever la but if he's really buyin, i'm going to make the best outta it by learning drivingz! hahah tmr i shall head down to the driving centre hehe... i tot i will only drive when i start working... isn't cool if i can drive to sch everyday or drive my frens out? hahaha... for now it's still a distant dream ....

i'm working towards fulfilling my xmas wishes now... hahah gotta get estee lauder make up brushes, blusher and nail polishes etc tmr... that'll mean taking off two items from the list... just like 14 more wishes to be granted? hahha hint hint...

Tis the season to be merrY!

Guess i'm feeling much better nowadays, after spending some time with my beloved frens, Clara and ZJ! There's nothing that I can't overcome! :) and today after mugging some physics and maths, I realise that it's not as hard as I thought after all... haha maybe I have finally settled down and got used to it. But I am still too restless, can only mug a few chapters a day, not like last time a levels, can really mug damn hard hahah... anyway, this is a very good start...

The weird thing is that people get depression when they suffer from a cold virus attack but it does the opposite for me. Maybe I finally come to terms with my limitations and take things easy. But of course, with ctw project, welfare packs etc off my mind, things start to be a bit merrier and more relaxed... yes and I love holidays! :) Anyway, I am so optimistic that I actually come up with my Xmas wish list already!! here goes...

1. A weave bag from Wisma @ $88
2. Birkenstock sandals!
3. Guess? wallet
4. uv-proof, non-comedogenic, liquid-to-powder kind of foundation
5. smear-proof liquid eyeliner
6. blusher! (how abt Estee Lauder coffret set with satin bag?)
7. more interesting tops :)
8. lingerie :p
9. silver necklace with big, intricate butterfly pendant
10. Uzap massager!
11. spa sessions
12. long permed hair haha
13. eyebrow pencil
14. chocolates from Amway
15. shopping vouchers
16. Levis jeans or jacket
17. make up brushes made of real animal hairs eg horse mane
18. the list goes on...
19. ....
20. ....
21. ....
    to be updated :)
    

yup.... grant my wish, santa!

lost....

I guess I'm getting less and less confident of my academic ability... Is engineering really not for me or am I just not working hard enough? sometimes I would look back and saw how well I used to do but that kind of skill seems to elude me nowadays... Exams is coming like really soon but I don't seem to be able to apply the concepts well enough yet. what has happened to me? Zj tried to console me and be there for me whenever he can but I know I have to work this out myself. And it doesn't help that I kept entertaining the thought of changing my course. I simply feel so lost... Je suis perdue... Nowadays all the modules that I like are actually from courses out of engineering. How ironic... hai... I hope this is just transient and that through the struggles, there emerge a stronger me. But it's hard battling all the negative thoughts all day long... sighz... for every day is a tougher battle :(

WeLL, ScH hAs StArTeD bUt I'm In Self Denial...

well, sch has officially begun on 1 august but i'm in a holiday mood! all we had on mon is inauguration ceremony which was mighty sleep-inducing except when the acappella group sang and when the professors marched in in silly gowns n hats haha... the performance by the acappella group was absolutely amazing and captivating cos there's not background music played a cd or watsoever, they made up all the music and accompaniment using just their voices! it's wat real music is abt man... i was sleeping till they came along and as they sang, i just had to sit up and admire the beauty in this unique form of art :)

well, after that my frends felix n arvind went around begging the staff n lecturers to let us take 6 modules this term but to no avail... the worst thing is we really walked around the whoole engineering faculty, just to come one big circle to talk to the woman we spoke to on the phone. she sealed our fate with this 'i'm smarter than u' attitude that i really cant stand. haiz... watehell... luckily we got to eat lunch at YI house n it's darn cheap as usual... i shall love going to sch for the economical food it sells haha silly me...

At least i got to retrieve my lost pin number from the so inaccesssible computer centre and arranged for an appointment to get my notebook computer... i really cant wait man! haha... guess it'll save lots of time with an extra comp at hand... have been fighting with my sister for the comp nowadays darn irritating :p yea after tat i gave tuition and it went pretty well la... my tutee's cousin even asked me to give her maths tuition! but i dunno if i can teach sec 4 maths now cos i've forgotten all abt it! nvm i shall try...

now to the biggest dilemma of today, whether i shud take up the chemical sciences programme... it's like it offers me a scholarship opportunity and an education to pHd level, which was my dream since young. but i realise the sacrifices i had to make, like to miss out on the electives that will make me more all-rounded and perhaps on the french exchange programme too... i wanna learn how to speak french! yea... but this scholarship, should I get it, it will help me a lot financially cos it pays me and my school fees! who knows i get to go overseas for postgrad studies too and that'll be so cool... yea like my dream is coming true all over again... well I shall have a shot at it then! lab lessons, i have to start liking u hehe...

School gonna start!!

Yesterday I went to Devil's Bar with my OG mates and my it was hell of a good time. I was proven right, clubbing can be a lot of fun with the right crowd! however, i think I seriously need a lesson on how to dance at clubs cos in the end what I did was quite the same-- shake my body ad wave my arms about... but in the end the DJ was rather sporting and we did like jump about in joyful unison. yea and my OG guys are rather nice cos when my fren got sick after drinking, they were rather concerned for her and got her water to drink. but well, they were the ones who introduced all the alcoholic drinks to her. haha... I think I tried all the different types of alcohols that we can redeem for free with the 2 tickets we've gotten at the entrance... vodka lime is the nicest, followed by raspberry, brandycoke, ribena, orange juice and whiskey! whiskey is damn bitter la... my fren din want to dance after she got sick but in the end, under the guys' persuasion she had a great time as well... but this time I tried too muvh drinks and got rather giddy from the concoction of drinks... but i'm not sure if it's weariness or drunkiness actually... after tat I took my fren's car to newton's circus to have supper together. what a night! but i was made aware of the dangers of overdrinking cos i have frens who totally couldn't control what they're doing and seen girls who were so damn drunk they can't stand properly.... SCARY man

with the sch term approaching, I feel kinda more nervous about chemical engineering.. all the comments from my friends were like it's damn hard and I really had to counter these negative thoughts with positive thinking like everything's gonna be alright if i work hard n persevere... i hope i'm right cos i dun wanna take the wrong turn again... anyway, i haven made my life easier by juggling 2 tuition jobs, quit smoking job, french language class and the road race team. yet there's so much i wanna do, like learn to drive, aikido and so on... my bf is like damn worried that i cant cope but i wanna prove that i can succeed again :) anyway enuff of the blogging, i gonna prepare my tuition homework!

After the Secret Pal Nite...

The Guys In My Og

FWC 05!!

My OG Counsellors :)

*My WhOLe Og*

Moving on with life

I guess the devil of pessimism has left me finally and i'm filled with new hopes n zest for life... one significant catalyst would be the chem engineering camp where i got to meet new bubbly people and just taste the feeling of being a student again... one of the best thing is that we stayed all 4 days on sentosa, which is the first time for me... jus enjoyed the beach, sun n the sea all day long! cool! plus my seniors are real damn nice... OG is very enthu n unique too though i felt that i shud have been more enthu, as observed by felix, my og mate... well nvm, it's jus the beginning...

i'm very excited abt my iwanttoquitsmoking plan cos i'm the team leader and i get to recruit new member and plan the places we shall visit to spread the msg! it's like getting more recognition of my leadership potential you know? yup i gonna involve my og and make it like a weekly og outing hahah can earn money somemore!!! yea three of my guy frens tot it's a goo idea already :) so happy...

maybe wat i lack now is that i need more resolution in my exercise routine! getting real fat... but my injured ankle jus dun make things better... must go gym tmr! kk gonna blog again soon i hope buai!

A new chapter of life...

For those who know what happened to me, I'm tired to explaining of myself... but I guess I have really moved on... It's difficult to adapt to the drastic change in lifestyle, from one where you simply follow what you are told to do to organising your own life and deciding where to go and what to do. It's a blessing in disguise apparently, now that I finally have my cherished freedom back. If I stay on longer i'll probably become a robot, with no opinions of my own. I felt myself degenerating during these 6 months and perhaps that's why I din do well at the interview. There's this mental stimulus that's missing but I hope I'm fast regaining it since I began reading the newspapers and think on my own feet, discovering my true self. I'm on a new chapter in my life, yet guided by the precious lessons I had gone thru these 6 months. These moments are not to be dismissed as a waste of my youth.

The only regret is that I had not put in more effort to apply for other scholarships, even local ones. Seeing that my frens have succeeded thru their ceaseless pursue for scholarships made me feel happy for them, yet at the same time I couldn't help feeling a twinge of jealousy. But I shall never give up in the pursuit of my financial independence and success in life. In fact, I shall work harder than before or ever before. :)

Enough of the serious talks, my life is getting more exciting by the minute. I joined this business thing with my fren selling natural products like skin care and supplements and I getting excited by the research that I've done on the products. So everyone, if you want to look prettier or improve your health, don't hesitate to contact me!!! haha other than that i've just been recruited as part of the quitcrew to campaign for smokers to kick the habit. For once, I'm doing a job I feel I can directly contribute to the society and my, I'm thrilled! I shall never relent in my efforts to help these people find their light at the end of the tunnel and give their family fresher air to breathe everyday! haha... yes and I just found a tuition job near my house! yo hoo... life's getting better.... hope I have more good news to report next time!!

The End to It All..

the platoon field camp has ended... the service term is ending... and my last scholarship interview is over... basically what i've been fighting for these 6 months have come to an end... but the point is that i still dunno what's really at the end of this journey...

my interview was pretty screwed up cos i din know what the hell i was talking about. never think before i speak la! crap... but the worse thing is that my fren may not get her sms and tat i feel sad... life can really be so cruel man... sigh... my frens were saying that sure get the scholarship one but in reality, it is a tough struggle... until the very last second of the interview, u are still being assessed... never let ur guard down and always do ur best... watehelll i think wat i really lack is confidence in myself now .

it's social night later and it's hard to focus on it instead... i got a date but i haven't got my clothes! haha... dunno if i shud read the mag then sleep or simply stone till my sister wakes up haha... help i feel like a lost cat now... sighz i hope they'll come to some conclusion soon and not keep me in the suspense.

FiElD cAmP-- tHe AfTeRmAtH

the field camp that just passed marked yet another prominent point in the beginning of my journey in army... cant help thinking how true "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going" and how everything is in the mind... but i realised that perhaps i'm just not as strong as i tot myself to be..

anyway, the first day began with a fast march the moment we landed in tekong... imagine the hot sun beating down your backs, the full pack and sbo grinding away at your shoulder, your rifle making u feel all the more worse and not forgetting the heat permeating through your soles... it's horrible and all i want was to faint hahaha... but of course i din and amazingly we finished 4km in 34 mins, finally arriving at our camp site...

the rest of the day was spent navigating the whole of tekong and that was far worse than fast march... esp the stupid signal set that's nearly 4 times the weight of the full pack... the moment i carried it i felt like falling backwards...haha but i dun wanna show the guys in my grp that the girls here are weak... what the guys can do we can do it too! yea towards the end, i fell flat on my knees on the uneven ground with the heavy signals set... my knees were numbed with pain but i picked myself up and continued... however, when i lagged at the back cos of the weight and pain, my mdm tot i was not making an effort.... sighz...

the next day began with some attacking stuff but it's not so bad considering that i can sneak a wink when no one's looking haha... the thing i cant tolerate is my mdm's black face... and the point is that u did nothing to make her angry... we had navigation again but it was an adventure of our own altogether.. i must say that after finding our second checkpoint for hours we were on the verge of giving up... it's like every few hundred metres we'll lie dead on the grd and i was really worried that we cant make it... but this fear somehow brought out the optimism and the will to fight on in me... i was like singing to lighten the mood and offering to carry more than i can... but it's simply the surge of satisfaction each time we found our satisfaction that led us to the end... by the time we reached out dinner point, i felt like i was really going to die... luckily we arrived one hour before setting off again and i was quite revived after that.. carried the signal set for the rest of the night nav. and when we finally reached back to camp, i was really exhausted...

and the exhaustion dragged onto the next day and ruined it.. we're practising again but this time in a denser vegetation. i felt like throwing up and each step i took was an agonising one... finally i found myself lying on the ground gasping for breath, my lips trembling... then i fell out and everything seemed to go wrong... i felt better after resting and asked to join back but my mdm tot that i was just not that sick just now after all... there's simply this lack of trust in me that she has... am i supposed to hang on till i go delirious like my section mate? i really dunno wat to think...

after that, i had a fever exceeding 38 degrees and really had to fall out for the night activity... even as i am resting, my head spun and i cant sleep... horrible la... but what makes me feel worse is how my instructors just assumed that i did not go all the way...

haiya but since it's all over... whether i have pushed enuff, i'll never know... but next time, i must do better... :p is life always like that? field camp has made me grow wiser...

growing up...

i suddenly felt that all of a sudden, i'm expected to grow up, take up more responsibilities and handle more work, sometimes more than i could ever handle... i know i'm being pessimistic but why the hell did i think that life could be easy? i'm wrong to wish that i would grow up faster.. it's better to be young man... i may be ignorant but ignorance is bliss... haha

to be truthful, the week had sped by faster than ever but not without hitches like times when i wonder if i made the right choice... hate learning all the weapons but luckily i can sorta kiss the tests goodbye... but somehow i managed to score full marks for one of the tests haha... weird... if i dunno the power of optimism, i realised the true miracle of it now. my platoon guys can always think of funny things out of the most irritating or boring situations and for that i take my hat off them. i used to be like that but nowadays i'm just getting easily depressed... hope it's only for a short period cos i still have a long way to go till june man...

yea and how i hate the phrase "grass is always greener on the other side"... going to navy makes me long for army but back in army makes me peer back to navy... really have to stop looking back but i just cant help it sometimes... but at least i have come to the conclusion that i would shine more in army then in navy and i may not like being a naval officer next time... jus have to take thing one at a time now... being stretched to the limit the whole can be real tiring though... hai

it's field camp next week... guess it's stressing everyone... this weekend book out seemed more impt than ever but our instructor purposely held us back... at his mercy... ... jus some of the things to remind me of navy hahah but i must say i like the previous part about coordinating with my section mates for the map drawing and planning... it's like i feel so involved and in control... i need more of this to go on man... haha... but damn tired now... gonna rest... wish me strength and luck in field camp! (my ankle jus got twisted again... sighz)

ArMy GaL

it had been a memorable 3 weeks... full of ups and downs, like a rollercoaster ride... the main thing is that I got to deal with the choice of my vocation and i really cant make up my mind. you know how bloody hard it is to choose when you are only 19 and what you choose will affect at least ten years of your life??? i wanna die whenever I think of that... and when i tot i would stick to navy when i chose it, i had a gut feeling that it is not wat i want. it's like when i board the landing ship tank, i dun feel this sense of pride and interest, somehow... the nice mess and the comfortable bunks but is that what that will fulfill me? LST has chefs to cook the most delicious meals for the crew, but is that what i'm looking for?

and the two days spent at mids wing gave me an idea of how is it like to be in the navy... getting used to working with fewer pple, conducting colours and sunset ceremony everyday, sleeping late, studying and having more freedom and less regiments... i had a great culture shock i must say but what bothers me the most is that is this life truly what i want? i dun mean what i witnessed at the mids wing but the life as a sailor... then somehow, i dunno if it's madness or sanity that drove me to pick up the phone-- and ask for revocation back to army... perhaps i still dunno if it's the right choice but it is surely the choice i want...

for one thing is that i'm a very active person... the long hours of lectures dun really appeal to me... it's kinda stifling... the family factor, the part about having to sail for a long period of time... but most of all... the compelling reason is that i wanna make a difference... whether to the other females out there as i'm joining guards or to the men i am going to lead... it is like being a teacher but here i'll go thru what they do, the sweat, so i'll be in a better position to sympathize with how they feel... i have the passion for army! grant me the strength...

Embarking on a new journey...

I think i'm a rather contradictary person cos when I've so little time each weekend after I booked out, i could find time to blog but for this blk leave I never blog! haha... anyway, time is passing way too fast, find a way to stop it! before I knew it, it's thur already!! the scary ocs is really gonna start and i expect hell... hai... every single min i'm reminded that i need to go back to ocs on sun 8am... shud forget abt it man, it's making me a prisoner even though it's not sunday yet sigh hahah but of cos it's not that bad, but still...

tmr i have the interview by the sms review board and man, i hope they dun test me on current affairs haha i tried reading the papers every morning but nothing gets into my head... news never intrigue me i guess :p need to brainstorm on the questions tmr morning! wish me luck...

anyway, today've been a rather special day cos i spent it at charlene's house... oh before that i went for hwa chong training and man, i miss hcjc so much! the whole training i was trying to catch up with my juniors on track life and school... sigh it's wonderful to be a student actually :) so i finally did 8km for like one month cos in camp it's always short runs... my knee and ankle really ached man... perhaps the thing i'm proudest of myself is that I spoke civilly to mr ram though i sorta dun wanna see him haha after training, serene and yange and I indulged in mac breakfast.. it's like my second this week :p sinful...

so i rushed home after that and went char's house. we began on her cheese cake first and it's pretty easy cos we jus have to mix all the different kinds of cream tog... it's tedious though cos need to put in the fridge for 3h!! anyway, lunch was cooked and prepared by ourselves... yummy rosti, prawns, squids and corn soup! :) never ate this kinda meal be4 haha we busied ourselves for a while with the game bejewelled and insanaquarium... act it's her guiding me along and it's kinda fun... after our food digested we jus went to swim and laze in the sun. this is life man :)

we returned after an hour or so to prepare my cake and it was sorta more troublesome than her cake cos need to grate apples, cheese and add this and tat... but when the cake baked beautifully in the boiler it looks like it's worth the while :) while waiting, we laid on the sofa to watch bourne identity but gave up after 40mins cos it's rather confusing hahah but my cake dun taste as nice as it looks... kinda like a muffin haha nvm first time la

anyway, on wed i totally slacked until dinner time la... can u believe that to save bus fare i act walked from my house to the interchange then from teck whye back to interchange after i made my specs? but sigh the fares are killing me.. maybe i shud jus pretend to be a schoolgoer one day haha and i act slept till ten plus in the morning, like five hours later than my army reverie haha... the only constructive thing i did was to do my scholarship essay... but dinner was pretty unique cos i spent it with char at coffee club at holland v... too tired of town, city hall and bugis already so it's a fresh break... i'll blog the rest tmr!

LoNdOn ScHoOl oF EcOns

One week before my field camp! quite apprehensive at the thought of it.. anyway this week i'm quite cham got CPS duty then kena scolded all the time... and when i tot i had fitted into the requirements of the role, i failed expectations. feel quite sucky about it la... i would blame no one but myself but sometimes i wish that things were made clearer to me... however, i cant expect much cos this is the army... sometimes i really think that my platoon lack that sense of urgency and commitment... u can scream at them asking them to hurry but they still crawl like little snails... cant understand sometimes... or am i jus too demanding? today's FBO was supposed to be 5 mins only and i was shocked to see them crawling up the stairs... hell man and so i got scolded like mad... forgot to inform my cps that we are not going to the foodhouse for the 2nd time some more... i wonder how bad my report will turn out to be sigh... besides these irritating issues, u sprained my ankle again! i cant believe how easy i can get injured man... one moment i was walking jus a bit faster on high heels and the next moment i twisted my bloody ankle... :( after that i actually cut my thumb on the et blade somemore thanks so much man... haha i think i can jus laugh at how clumsy and careless i am... joker haha

this week is the one full of book outs... we booked out on wed night cos 9 ran faster than 12.45 min and we enjoyed ourselves tremendously at swensons'. got an ice cream cake for my two bday frens and gobbled down the earthquake with 3 other frens :) and yesterday i booked out with lihui and kristy for the psychomatric test is like rather suited for psychotic pple hahah some questions are really nutty :p i wonder if i can really get used to field camp man sighz wish me luck!!!

HaPpy ChInEsE nEw YeAr!

yea yea yea! i'm home at last... this week gonna be the best week of the year cos i'm only in safti for 2 out of 7 days haha but it feels kinda funny at home cos i'm not being pushed around to do this do that. slacking at home is not my forte so i've been running around doing stuff that i often have no time to in safti :) i get to chat with my parents and joke with them and man, it's therapectic... not that my life in sierra wing isn't great, it's jus so different..

though i've only been in ocs for 2 days since i booked out, a wealth of things had happened... well, mon we only had swimming lesson and it was like no activities the whole day, with lecture and social grooming cancelled. but i still think that was the day when i learnt the most... haha the funniest thing is that it all began with us disobeying the rules and falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon. apparently, my mdm sneaked upstairs and caught us red handed, though none of us knew that she snooped around our rooms. we're knocked out like dead pigs... and out of the blue, she gave us ten mins to go downstairs in our full battle order and i realised immediately that she caught us sleeping! so she reprimanded us and made us do push ups but the most hilarious thing is that i was exempted cos i'm on antibiotics... i told her that i shudn't be excused cos i dun think antibiotics caused drowsiness but she was adamant. as i witnessed my platoon mates get punished, i felt so bad, wanted so much to suffer with them. but most imptly, i realised how i shud have listened to my conscience and prepare the face the consequences that i knew very well would result when we disobeyed orders like this. after a month of being a soldier, i felt quite ashamed that we're still doing things as we like.. do we need more time or do we really lack the discipline? only time will tell... and meanwhile, i shall try my very best to be a good soldier...

to redeem our mistakes, we had to do area cleaning and this time, all of us worked together to clean up the mess we had landed in. after a hell of effort and toil, my mdm was pleased with the state of cleanliness of our bunks and area, smiling once again. it was as if the sleeping incident din take place and my platoon simply rejoiced in pride and happiness... it's really amazing how different things turned out in the end...no matter wat, i hope that this experience will spur us onwards as officers to be :)

then yesterday, we had the worst training nightmare of our life. wat seemed to be a harmless standard obstacle course time trial escalated into a strenuous interval training. basically, it comprises of 3 more rounds of running and crossing the obstacles, 1 round of perfecting the crossing of obstacles, uncountable number of pushups and innumerable times of sprinting to a far wall and back... my heart was beating so fast and my sweat glands working so hard that i had to scream to relieve the lactic acid and pain searing thru my being... sure the adrenaline set in after a while but nothing can soothe the permanent ache in my muscles now... but thru this trying experience, i learnt the true imptance of endurance and determination... without these, i shall jus succumb and fail my test of character. and the other good thing? soc is becoming more like a playgrd! haha...

oh rite, i'm like kinda tired after recounting these enervating memories so i gtg... tmr gonna meet julia and my classmates! cool hahah i love chinese new year haha

liFe In OcS

looks like i got to clear up the cobwebs not only in my bunk but also on my blog. haha been rather unlucky recently... hammered my finger, lost my ic, knocked my head, injured my shin, all in addition to my ankle, knee and elbow injuries... i hope all will change for the better in the new lunar year man... maybe the only good thing is that i'm selected to run for ocs for the navy relay hahah hope i can make it!

well, i dunno if i'm repeating myself, but if i go with the intention of learning to be a better person, i think i have achieved tat... maybe not that gd yet but my endurance level is definitely climbing up... the ability to think fast and act fast... responsibility... i think i'm improving in these areas... but to be honest, i kept harbouring criticisms towards some gals there. some whom i think are trying to break down the integrity of my platoon. i hope one day i can have the courage to stand up and tell them off that if they dun like certain pple, they shud voice it out. at least that person can change for the better and not be kept in the dark, suffering discrimination. from my experience in camp, i realised how hurtful it is to be at the receiving end of gossips, not that i'm the receiver or the completely guiltless party. but really charlene, i know how u feel then :( i'm sorry i din do much to help u

most pple think that gals have the time of their life in army, as compared to the guys... i wun deny that but i think we have our share of woes too... but like never before, i realise the importance of confidence and optimism... if i din have that i think i'll jus succumb... but i'm really happy all these is happening to me, giving me a chance to learn at a dynamic pace... life is short, unpredictable... i'll treasure it

ArMy 123

hey i'm back in one piece, after three weeks of non-stop torture! it's not that bad actually, what with the admin time getting longer day after day... but sadly, i supposed the reprimands from my instructors will never cease, and so are the "knock it down" punishments... nvm what doesn't kill me will make me stronger :)

my captain told me that the stuff we are exposed to now are under the restricted category so i really have no idea what i can include here... all i can say is that the physical trainings are varied, ranging from circuit to taewondo... personally, i prefer combat training the best, a combination of taewondo, akido and karate... bad guys out there watch out!haha... maybe soon i can try sparring with zj haha jus kidding he probably knock me out

most saliently, i learnt tons from the short 3 weeks inside, such as friendships, teamwork, self confidence and so much more... giving of my best, quick thinking all these will go a long way here i realised... even something insignificant like bunk cleaning has its intrinsic value :) u can say army has brought out the philosophical side of me

it had been an eye opening experience to learn from and interact with grads and people older than me... even though singapore priorities paper credits, i realise that nothing beats experience sometimes...

however, there'll be days when i really feel like throwing in the towel and walk away... could even visualise myself doing it... but my optimism and persevere will finally win over... i must think strong and be strong now... nothing can break me :)

apart from army, i realise i really miss my frens and my family... my sister is sick yet i cant attend to her... then my bf is damn bored and i cant be with him... frens have been asking me when i'm booking out but my time is so limited... sighz i need "splitting trick" man all i hope now is that time will fly and 11 mar comes soon :)

MeEt ThE fOcKeRs :)

I dunno if anyone reads my blog anymore but i have nothing to do so shall blog anyway... i watched meet the fockers today and it's way better than kongfu hustle la... pure humour not some sadistic stupid stuff haha... and its moral is like it's always better to be ur true self and have trust, esp in ur close ones... quite sweet la :) quite glad that i get to watch a nice movie before i go bmt haha god knows when i can enjoy again... anyway i'm looking forward to it cos i know some great pals inside and i gonna get $1800+ a month! hahah free board and lodgin somemore haha

before movie i ran with zj at bedok reservoir cos this sat i got interconstituency race there.... it was really motivating cos i clocked 21min for 4.3k which is 8 mins off my timing last yr hehe :) hope i can perform even better on sat man! zj shall be my source of inspiration and determination! my last competitive run before bmt haha it seems like my life ends on 10 jan sometimes haha but it's not like i cant drop out if i cant take it so it's a win win situation haha

for the rest of my 6 days as a civilian, i gonna meet 2 frens or more a day so that i wun miss them too much in camp! hahah gonna meet lai hung tmr afternoon then clara at night... thur i got army briefing and then going shopping with my army frens... fri gonna meet up with charlene and go for hcjc campfire at nite... sat got race and then i hope to meet li xiang and daniel... finally sun i hope to spend some more last min time with zj.... and off i go :p

FaReWeLl...

I think yesterday's farewell went quite well hahah *bhb* but there's almost insufficient food... luckily my mum provided us with more fruits and snacks *phew* so glad that I managed to get everything done before anyone arrived. for this occasion, i actually revamped my study... the photo albums were strewn all over a spare sofa and within two days, i transferred photos in old albums into those new adhesive ones with the help of my sis. it sounded easy but believe me our backs and eyes were aching from the onerous task. had to sweep the floor, tidy my room and lotsa spring cleaning stuff... zj agreed that my house had a face lift haha :)

I was quite worried at first that they had nothing to do.... but they really know how to keep themselves entertained so I was so relieved! haha all i did was to serve them food and clean up after them. played a game of bridge with the girls... but as usual, the guys and girls sat at separate areas... when yoke yun finally arrived, I shown the class the photos slides that I managed to finish only the morning before haha not too bad i hope :p

they continue to entertain themselves till 6pm.. jing song and jeremy ransacked and turned my comp upside down to play oac and track videos while the girls gathered at the piano to play and sing... quite amusing la haha :) and the guys kept teasing me abt my saf scholarship and calling me mam... gonna miss the class when i go bmt...

oh and my mum met zj at last.. i tot she wun recpgnise him but she remembers his look from the photos that she chanced upon... then she joked that he kept calling her aunty hahah so funny man... it's nice that my mum knows liao... i wonder if i'll ever see his parents haha gotta go! hope to blog again before i book in!