it had been a memorable 3 weeks... full of ups and downs, like a rollercoaster ride... the main thing is that I got to deal with the choice of my vocation and i really cant make up my mind. you know how bloody hard it is to choose when you are only 19 and what you choose will affect at least ten years of your life??? i wanna die whenever I think of that... and when i tot i would stick to navy when i chose it, i had a gut feeling that it is not wat i want. it's like when i board the landing ship tank, i dun feel this sense of pride and interest, somehow... the nice mess and the comfortable bunks but is that what that will fulfill me? LST has chefs to cook the most delicious meals for the crew, but is that what i'm looking for?
and the two days spent at mids wing gave me an idea of how is it like to be in the navy... getting used to working with fewer pple, conducting colours and sunset ceremony everyday, sleeping late, studying and having more freedom and less regiments... i had a great culture shock i must say but what bothers me the most is that is this life truly what i want? i dun mean what i witnessed at the mids wing but the life as a sailor... then somehow, i dunno if it's madness or sanity that drove me to pick up the phone-- and ask for revocation back to army... perhaps i still dunno if it's the right choice but it is surely the choice i want...
for one thing is that i'm a very active person... the long hours of lectures dun really appeal to me... it's kinda stifling... the family factor, the part about having to sail for a long period of time... but most of all... the compelling reason is that i wanna make a difference... whether to the other females out there as i'm joining guards or to the men i am going to lead... it is like being a teacher but here i'll go thru what they do, the sweat, so i'll be in a better position to sympathize with how they feel... i have the passion for army! grant me the strength...
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Embarking on a new journey...
I think i'm a rather contradictary person cos when I've so little time each weekend after I booked out, i could find time to blog but for this blk leave I never blog! haha... anyway, time is passing way too fast, find a way to stop it! before I knew it, it's thur already!! the scary ocs is really gonna start and i expect hell... hai... every single min i'm reminded that i need to go back to ocs on sun 8am... shud forget abt it man, it's making me a prisoner even though it's not sunday yet sigh hahah but of cos it's not that bad, but still...
tmr i have the interview by the sms review board and man, i hope they dun test me on current affairs haha i tried reading the papers every morning but nothing gets into my head... news never intrigue me i guess :p need to brainstorm on the questions tmr morning! wish me luck...
anyway, today've been a rather special day cos i spent it at charlene's house... oh before that i went for hwa chong training and man, i miss hcjc so much! the whole training i was trying to catch up with my juniors on track life and school... sigh it's wonderful to be a student actually :) so i finally did 8km for like one month cos in camp it's always short runs... my knee and ankle really ached man... perhaps the thing i'm proudest of myself is that I spoke civilly to mr ram though i sorta dun wanna see him haha after training, serene and yange and I indulged in mac breakfast.. it's like my second this week :p sinful...
so i rushed home after that and went char's house. we began on her cheese cake first and it's pretty easy cos we jus have to mix all the different kinds of cream tog... it's tedious though cos need to put in the fridge for 3h!! anyway, lunch was cooked and prepared by ourselves... yummy rosti, prawns, squids and corn soup! :) never ate this kinda meal be4 haha we busied ourselves for a while with the game bejewelled and insanaquarium... act it's her guiding me along and it's kinda fun... after our food digested we jus went to swim and laze in the sun. this is life man :)
we returned after an hour or so to prepare my cake and it was sorta more troublesome than her cake cos need to grate apples, cheese and add this and tat... but when the cake baked beautifully in the boiler it looks like it's worth the while :) while waiting, we laid on the sofa to watch bourne identity but gave up after 40mins cos it's rather confusing hahah but my cake dun taste as nice as it looks... kinda like a muffin haha nvm first time la
anyway, on wed i totally slacked until dinner time la... can u believe that to save bus fare i act walked from my house to the interchange then from teck whye back to interchange after i made my specs? but sigh the fares are killing me.. maybe i shud jus pretend to be a schoolgoer one day haha and i act slept till ten plus in the morning, like five hours later than my army reverie haha... the only constructive thing i did was to do my scholarship essay... but dinner was pretty unique cos i spent it with char at coffee club at holland v... too tired of town, city hall and bugis already so it's a fresh break... i'll blog the rest tmr!
tmr i have the interview by the sms review board and man, i hope they dun test me on current affairs haha i tried reading the papers every morning but nothing gets into my head... news never intrigue me i guess :p need to brainstorm on the questions tmr morning! wish me luck...
anyway, today've been a rather special day cos i spent it at charlene's house... oh before that i went for hwa chong training and man, i miss hcjc so much! the whole training i was trying to catch up with my juniors on track life and school... sigh it's wonderful to be a student actually :) so i finally did 8km for like one month cos in camp it's always short runs... my knee and ankle really ached man... perhaps the thing i'm proudest of myself is that I spoke civilly to mr ram though i sorta dun wanna see him haha after training, serene and yange and I indulged in mac breakfast.. it's like my second this week :p sinful...
so i rushed home after that and went char's house. we began on her cheese cake first and it's pretty easy cos we jus have to mix all the different kinds of cream tog... it's tedious though cos need to put in the fridge for 3h!! anyway, lunch was cooked and prepared by ourselves... yummy rosti, prawns, squids and corn soup! :) never ate this kinda meal be4 haha we busied ourselves for a while with the game bejewelled and insanaquarium... act it's her guiding me along and it's kinda fun... after our food digested we jus went to swim and laze in the sun. this is life man :)
we returned after an hour or so to prepare my cake and it was sorta more troublesome than her cake cos need to grate apples, cheese and add this and tat... but when the cake baked beautifully in the boiler it looks like it's worth the while :) while waiting, we laid on the sofa to watch bourne identity but gave up after 40mins cos it's rather confusing hahah but my cake dun taste as nice as it looks... kinda like a muffin haha nvm first time la
anyway, on wed i totally slacked until dinner time la... can u believe that to save bus fare i act walked from my house to the interchange then from teck whye back to interchange after i made my specs? but sigh the fares are killing me.. maybe i shud jus pretend to be a schoolgoer one day haha and i act slept till ten plus in the morning, like five hours later than my army reverie haha... the only constructive thing i did was to do my scholarship essay... but dinner was pretty unique cos i spent it with char at coffee club at holland v... too tired of town, city hall and bugis already so it's a fresh break... i'll blog the rest tmr!
Saturday, February 19, 2005
LoNdOn ScHoOl oF EcOns
One week before my field camp! quite apprehensive at the thought of it.. anyway this week i'm quite cham got CPS duty then kena scolded all the time... and when i tot i had fitted into the requirements of the role, i failed expectations. feel quite sucky about it la... i would blame no one but myself but sometimes i wish that things were made clearer to me... however, i cant expect much cos this is the army... sometimes i really think that my platoon lack that sense of urgency and commitment... u can scream at them asking them to hurry but they still crawl like little snails... cant understand sometimes... or am i jus too demanding? today's FBO was supposed to be 5 mins only and i was shocked to see them crawling up the stairs... hell man and so i got scolded like mad... forgot to inform my cps that we are not going to the foodhouse for the 2nd time some more... i wonder how bad my report will turn out to be sigh... besides these irritating issues, u sprained my ankle again! i cant believe how easy i can get injured man... one moment i was walking jus a bit faster on high heels and the next moment i twisted my bloody ankle... :( after that i actually cut my thumb on the et blade somemore thanks so much man... haha i think i can jus laugh at how clumsy and careless i am... joker haha
this week is the one full of book outs... we booked out on wed night cos 9 ran faster than 12.45 min and we enjoyed ourselves tremendously at swensons'. got an ice cream cake for my two bday frens and gobbled down the earthquake with 3 other frens :) and yesterday i booked out with lihui and kristy for the psychomatric test is like rather suited for psychotic pple hahah some questions are really nutty :p i wonder if i can really get used to field camp man sighz wish me luck!!!
this week is the one full of book outs... we booked out on wed night cos 9 ran faster than 12.45 min and we enjoyed ourselves tremendously at swensons'. got an ice cream cake for my two bday frens and gobbled down the earthquake with 3 other frens :) and yesterday i booked out with lihui and kristy for the psychomatric test is like rather suited for psychotic pple hahah some questions are really nutty :p i wonder if i can really get used to field camp man sighz wish me luck!!!
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
HaPpy ChInEsE nEw YeAr!
yea yea yea! i'm home at last... this week gonna be the best week of the year cos i'm only in safti for 2 out of 7 days haha but it feels kinda funny at home cos i'm not being pushed around to do this do that. slacking at home is not my forte so i've been running around doing stuff that i often have no time to in safti :) i get to chat with my parents and joke with them and man, it's therapectic... not that my life in sierra wing isn't great, it's jus so different..
though i've only been in ocs for 2 days since i booked out, a wealth of things had happened... well, mon we only had swimming lesson and it was like no activities the whole day, with lecture and social grooming cancelled. but i still think that was the day when i learnt the most... haha the funniest thing is that it all began with us disobeying the rules and falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon. apparently, my mdm sneaked upstairs and caught us red handed, though none of us knew that she snooped around our rooms. we're knocked out like dead pigs... and out of the blue, she gave us ten mins to go downstairs in our full battle order and i realised immediately that she caught us sleeping! so she reprimanded us and made us do push ups but the most hilarious thing is that i was exempted cos i'm on antibiotics... i told her that i shudn't be excused cos i dun think antibiotics caused drowsiness but she was adamant. as i witnessed my platoon mates get punished, i felt so bad, wanted so much to suffer with them. but most imptly, i realised how i shud have listened to my conscience and prepare the face the consequences that i knew very well would result when we disobeyed orders like this. after a month of being a soldier, i felt quite ashamed that we're still doing things as we like.. do we need more time or do we really lack the discipline? only time will tell... and meanwhile, i shall try my very best to be a good soldier...
to redeem our mistakes, we had to do area cleaning and this time, all of us worked together to clean up the mess we had landed in. after a hell of effort and toil, my mdm was pleased with the state of cleanliness of our bunks and area, smiling once again. it was as if the sleeping incident din take place and my platoon simply rejoiced in pride and happiness... it's really amazing how different things turned out in the end...no matter wat, i hope that this experience will spur us onwards as officers to be :)
then yesterday, we had the worst training nightmare of our life. wat seemed to be a harmless standard obstacle course time trial escalated into a strenuous interval training. basically, it comprises of 3 more rounds of running and crossing the obstacles, 1 round of perfecting the crossing of obstacles, uncountable number of pushups and innumerable times of sprinting to a far wall and back... my heart was beating so fast and my sweat glands working so hard that i had to scream to relieve the lactic acid and pain searing thru my being... sure the adrenaline set in after a while but nothing can soothe the permanent ache in my muscles now... but thru this trying experience, i learnt the true imptance of endurance and determination... without these, i shall jus succumb and fail my test of character. and the other good thing? soc is becoming more like a playgrd! haha...
oh rite, i'm like kinda tired after recounting these enervating memories so i gtg... tmr gonna meet julia and my classmates! cool hahah i love chinese new year haha
though i've only been in ocs for 2 days since i booked out, a wealth of things had happened... well, mon we only had swimming lesson and it was like no activities the whole day, with lecture and social grooming cancelled. but i still think that was the day when i learnt the most... haha the funniest thing is that it all began with us disobeying the rules and falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon. apparently, my mdm sneaked upstairs and caught us red handed, though none of us knew that she snooped around our rooms. we're knocked out like dead pigs... and out of the blue, she gave us ten mins to go downstairs in our full battle order and i realised immediately that she caught us sleeping! so she reprimanded us and made us do push ups but the most hilarious thing is that i was exempted cos i'm on antibiotics... i told her that i shudn't be excused cos i dun think antibiotics caused drowsiness but she was adamant. as i witnessed my platoon mates get punished, i felt so bad, wanted so much to suffer with them. but most imptly, i realised how i shud have listened to my conscience and prepare the face the consequences that i knew very well would result when we disobeyed orders like this. after a month of being a soldier, i felt quite ashamed that we're still doing things as we like.. do we need more time or do we really lack the discipline? only time will tell... and meanwhile, i shall try my very best to be a good soldier...
to redeem our mistakes, we had to do area cleaning and this time, all of us worked together to clean up the mess we had landed in. after a hell of effort and toil, my mdm was pleased with the state of cleanliness of our bunks and area, smiling once again. it was as if the sleeping incident din take place and my platoon simply rejoiced in pride and happiness... it's really amazing how different things turned out in the end...no matter wat, i hope that this experience will spur us onwards as officers to be :)
then yesterday, we had the worst training nightmare of our life. wat seemed to be a harmless standard obstacle course time trial escalated into a strenuous interval training. basically, it comprises of 3 more rounds of running and crossing the obstacles, 1 round of perfecting the crossing of obstacles, uncountable number of pushups and innumerable times of sprinting to a far wall and back... my heart was beating so fast and my sweat glands working so hard that i had to scream to relieve the lactic acid and pain searing thru my being... sure the adrenaline set in after a while but nothing can soothe the permanent ache in my muscles now... but thru this trying experience, i learnt the true imptance of endurance and determination... without these, i shall jus succumb and fail my test of character. and the other good thing? soc is becoming more like a playgrd! haha...
oh rite, i'm like kinda tired after recounting these enervating memories so i gtg... tmr gonna meet julia and my classmates! cool hahah i love chinese new year haha
Sunday, February 06, 2005
liFe In OcS
looks like i got to clear up the cobwebs not only in my bunk but also on my blog. haha been rather unlucky recently... hammered my finger, lost my ic, knocked my head, injured my shin, all in addition to my ankle, knee and elbow injuries... i hope all will change for the better in the new lunar year man... maybe the only good thing is that i'm selected to run for ocs for the navy relay hahah hope i can make it!
well, i dunno if i'm repeating myself, but if i go with the intention of learning to be a better person, i think i have achieved tat... maybe not that gd yet but my endurance level is definitely climbing up... the ability to think fast and act fast... responsibility... i think i'm improving in these areas... but to be honest, i kept harbouring criticisms towards some gals there. some whom i think are trying to break down the integrity of my platoon. i hope one day i can have the courage to stand up and tell them off that if they dun like certain pple, they shud voice it out. at least that person can change for the better and not be kept in the dark, suffering discrimination. from my experience in camp, i realised how hurtful it is to be at the receiving end of gossips, not that i'm the receiver or the completely guiltless party. but really charlene, i know how u feel then :( i'm sorry i din do much to help u
most pple think that gals have the time of their life in army, as compared to the guys... i wun deny that but i think we have our share of woes too... but like never before, i realise the importance of confidence and optimism... if i din have that i think i'll jus succumb... but i'm really happy all these is happening to me, giving me a chance to learn at a dynamic pace... life is short, unpredictable... i'll treasure it
well, i dunno if i'm repeating myself, but if i go with the intention of learning to be a better person, i think i have achieved tat... maybe not that gd yet but my endurance level is definitely climbing up... the ability to think fast and act fast... responsibility... i think i'm improving in these areas... but to be honest, i kept harbouring criticisms towards some gals there. some whom i think are trying to break down the integrity of my platoon. i hope one day i can have the courage to stand up and tell them off that if they dun like certain pple, they shud voice it out. at least that person can change for the better and not be kept in the dark, suffering discrimination. from my experience in camp, i realised how hurtful it is to be at the receiving end of gossips, not that i'm the receiver or the completely guiltless party. but really charlene, i know how u feel then :( i'm sorry i din do much to help u
most pple think that gals have the time of their life in army, as compared to the guys... i wun deny that but i think we have our share of woes too... but like never before, i realise the importance of confidence and optimism... if i din have that i think i'll jus succumb... but i'm really happy all these is happening to me, giving me a chance to learn at a dynamic pace... life is short, unpredictable... i'll treasure it
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