I guess the devil of pessimism has left me finally and i'm filled with new hopes n zest for life... one significant catalyst would be the chem engineering camp where i got to meet new bubbly people and just taste the feeling of being a student again... one of the best thing is that we stayed all 4 days on sentosa, which is the first time for me... jus enjoyed the beach, sun n the sea all day long! cool! plus my seniors are real damn nice... OG is very enthu n unique too though i felt that i shud have been more enthu, as observed by felix, my og mate... well nvm, it's jus the beginning...
i'm very excited abt my iwanttoquitsmoking plan cos i'm the team leader and i get to recruit new member and plan the places we shall visit to spread the msg! it's like getting more recognition of my leadership potential you know? yup i gonna involve my og and make it like a weekly og outing hahah can earn money somemore!!! yea three of my guy frens tot it's a goo idea already :) so happy...
maybe wat i lack now is that i need more resolution in my exercise routine! getting real fat... but my injured ankle jus dun make things better... must go gym tmr! kk gonna blog again soon i hope buai!
Monday, July 18, 2005
Thursday, July 07, 2005
A new chapter of life...
For those who know what happened to me, I'm tired to explaining of myself... but I guess I have really moved on... It's difficult to adapt to the drastic change in lifestyle, from one where you simply follow what you are told to do to organising your own life and deciding where to go and what to do. It's a blessing in disguise apparently, now that I finally have my cherished freedom back. If I stay on longer i'll probably become a robot, with no opinions of my own. I felt myself degenerating during these 6 months and perhaps that's why I din do well at the interview. There's this mental stimulus that's missing but I hope I'm fast regaining it since I began reading the newspapers and think on my own feet, discovering my true self. I'm on a new chapter in my life, yet guided by the precious lessons I had gone thru these 6 months. These moments are not to be dismissed as a waste of my youth.
The only regret is that I had not put in more effort to apply for other scholarships, even local ones. Seeing that my frens have succeeded thru their ceaseless pursue for scholarships made me feel happy for them, yet at the same time I couldn't help feeling a twinge of jealousy. But I shall never give up in the pursuit of my financial independence and success in life. In fact, I shall work harder than before or ever before. :)
Enough of the serious talks, my life is getting more exciting by the minute. I joined this business thing with my fren selling natural products like skin care and supplements and I getting excited by the research that I've done on the products. So everyone, if you want to look prettier or improve your health, don't hesitate to contact me!!! haha other than that i've just been recruited as part of the quitcrew to campaign for smokers to kick the habit. For once, I'm doing a job I feel I can directly contribute to the society and my, I'm thrilled! I shall never relent in my efforts to help these people find their light at the end of the tunnel and give their family fresher air to breathe everyday! haha... yes and I just found a tuition job near my house! yo hoo... life's getting better.... hope I have more good news to report next time!!
The only regret is that I had not put in more effort to apply for other scholarships, even local ones. Seeing that my frens have succeeded thru their ceaseless pursue for scholarships made me feel happy for them, yet at the same time I couldn't help feeling a twinge of jealousy. But I shall never give up in the pursuit of my financial independence and success in life. In fact, I shall work harder than before or ever before. :)
Enough of the serious talks, my life is getting more exciting by the minute. I joined this business thing with my fren selling natural products like skin care and supplements and I getting excited by the research that I've done on the products. So everyone, if you want to look prettier or improve your health, don't hesitate to contact me!!! haha other than that i've just been recruited as part of the quitcrew to campaign for smokers to kick the habit. For once, I'm doing a job I feel I can directly contribute to the society and my, I'm thrilled! I shall never relent in my efforts to help these people find their light at the end of the tunnel and give their family fresher air to breathe everyday! haha... yes and I just found a tuition job near my house! yo hoo... life's getting better.... hope I have more good news to report next time!!
Friday, June 17, 2005
The End to It All..
the platoon field camp has ended... the service term is ending... and my last scholarship interview is over... basically what i've been fighting for these 6 months have come to an end... but the point is that i still dunno what's really at the end of this journey...
my interview was pretty screwed up cos i din know what the hell i was talking about. never think before i speak la! crap... but the worse thing is that my fren may not get her sms and tat i feel sad... life can really be so cruel man... sigh... my frens were saying that sure get the scholarship one but in reality, it is a tough struggle... until the very last second of the interview, u are still being assessed... never let ur guard down and always do ur best... watehelll i think wat i really lack is confidence in myself now .
it's social night later and it's hard to focus on it instead... i got a date but i haven't got my clothes! haha... dunno if i shud read the mag then sleep or simply stone till my sister wakes up haha... help i feel like a lost cat now... sighz i hope they'll come to some conclusion soon and not keep me in the suspense.
my interview was pretty screwed up cos i din know what the hell i was talking about. never think before i speak la! crap... but the worse thing is that my fren may not get her sms and tat i feel sad... life can really be so cruel man... sigh... my frens were saying that sure get the scholarship one but in reality, it is a tough struggle... until the very last second of the interview, u are still being assessed... never let ur guard down and always do ur best... watehelll i think wat i really lack is confidence in myself now .
it's social night later and it's hard to focus on it instead... i got a date but i haven't got my clothes! haha... dunno if i shud read the mag then sleep or simply stone till my sister wakes up haha... help i feel like a lost cat now... sighz i hope they'll come to some conclusion soon and not keep me in the suspense.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
FiElD cAmP-- tHe AfTeRmAtH
the field camp that just passed marked yet another prominent point in the beginning of my journey in army... cant help thinking how true "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going" and how everything is in the mind... but i realised that perhaps i'm just not as strong as i tot myself to be..
anyway, the first day began with a fast march the moment we landed in tekong... imagine the hot sun beating down your backs, the full pack and sbo grinding away at your shoulder, your rifle making u feel all the more worse and not forgetting the heat permeating through your soles... it's horrible and all i want was to faint hahaha... but of course i din and amazingly we finished 4km in 34 mins, finally arriving at our camp site...
the rest of the day was spent navigating the whole of tekong and that was far worse than fast march... esp the stupid signal set that's nearly 4 times the weight of the full pack... the moment i carried it i felt like falling backwards...haha but i dun wanna show the guys in my grp that the girls here are weak... what the guys can do we can do it too! yea towards the end, i fell flat on my knees on the uneven ground with the heavy signals set... my knees were numbed with pain but i picked myself up and continued... however, when i lagged at the back cos of the weight and pain, my mdm tot i was not making an effort.... sighz...
the next day began with some attacking stuff but it's not so bad considering that i can sneak a wink when no one's looking haha... the thing i cant tolerate is my mdm's black face... and the point is that u did nothing to make her angry... we had navigation again but it was an adventure of our own altogether.. i must say that after finding our second checkpoint for hours we were on the verge of giving up... it's like every few hundred metres we'll lie dead on the grd and i was really worried that we cant make it... but this fear somehow brought out the optimism and the will to fight on in me... i was like singing to lighten the mood and offering to carry more than i can... but it's simply the surge of satisfaction each time we found our satisfaction that led us to the end... by the time we reached out dinner point, i felt like i was really going to die... luckily we arrived one hour before setting off again and i was quite revived after that.. carried the signal set for the rest of the night nav. and when we finally reached back to camp, i was really exhausted...
and the exhaustion dragged onto the next day and ruined it.. we're practising again but this time in a denser vegetation. i felt like throwing up and each step i took was an agonising one... finally i found myself lying on the ground gasping for breath, my lips trembling... then i fell out and everything seemed to go wrong... i felt better after resting and asked to join back but my mdm tot that i was just not that sick just now after all... there's simply this lack of trust in me that she has... am i supposed to hang on till i go delirious like my section mate? i really dunno wat to think...
after that, i had a fever exceeding 38 degrees and really had to fall out for the night activity... even as i am resting, my head spun and i cant sleep... horrible la... but what makes me feel worse is how my instructors just assumed that i did not go all the way...
haiya but since it's all over... whether i have pushed enuff, i'll never know... but next time, i must do better... :p is life always like that? field camp has made me grow wiser...
anyway, the first day began with a fast march the moment we landed in tekong... imagine the hot sun beating down your backs, the full pack and sbo grinding away at your shoulder, your rifle making u feel all the more worse and not forgetting the heat permeating through your soles... it's horrible and all i want was to faint hahaha... but of course i din and amazingly we finished 4km in 34 mins, finally arriving at our camp site...
the rest of the day was spent navigating the whole of tekong and that was far worse than fast march... esp the stupid signal set that's nearly 4 times the weight of the full pack... the moment i carried it i felt like falling backwards...haha but i dun wanna show the guys in my grp that the girls here are weak... what the guys can do we can do it too! yea towards the end, i fell flat on my knees on the uneven ground with the heavy signals set... my knees were numbed with pain but i picked myself up and continued... however, when i lagged at the back cos of the weight and pain, my mdm tot i was not making an effort.... sighz...
the next day began with some attacking stuff but it's not so bad considering that i can sneak a wink when no one's looking haha... the thing i cant tolerate is my mdm's black face... and the point is that u did nothing to make her angry... we had navigation again but it was an adventure of our own altogether.. i must say that after finding our second checkpoint for hours we were on the verge of giving up... it's like every few hundred metres we'll lie dead on the grd and i was really worried that we cant make it... but this fear somehow brought out the optimism and the will to fight on in me... i was like singing to lighten the mood and offering to carry more than i can... but it's simply the surge of satisfaction each time we found our satisfaction that led us to the end... by the time we reached out dinner point, i felt like i was really going to die... luckily we arrived one hour before setting off again and i was quite revived after that.. carried the signal set for the rest of the night nav. and when we finally reached back to camp, i was really exhausted...
and the exhaustion dragged onto the next day and ruined it.. we're practising again but this time in a denser vegetation. i felt like throwing up and each step i took was an agonising one... finally i found myself lying on the ground gasping for breath, my lips trembling... then i fell out and everything seemed to go wrong... i felt better after resting and asked to join back but my mdm tot that i was just not that sick just now after all... there's simply this lack of trust in me that she has... am i supposed to hang on till i go delirious like my section mate? i really dunno wat to think...
after that, i had a fever exceeding 38 degrees and really had to fall out for the night activity... even as i am resting, my head spun and i cant sleep... horrible la... but what makes me feel worse is how my instructors just assumed that i did not go all the way...
haiya but since it's all over... whether i have pushed enuff, i'll never know... but next time, i must do better... :p is life always like that? field camp has made me grow wiser...
Saturday, April 23, 2005
growing up...
i suddenly felt that all of a sudden, i'm expected to grow up, take up more responsibilities and handle more work, sometimes more than i could ever handle... i know i'm being pessimistic but why the hell did i think that life could be easy? i'm wrong to wish that i would grow up faster.. it's better to be young man... i may be ignorant but ignorance is bliss... haha
to be truthful, the week had sped by faster than ever but not without hitches like times when i wonder if i made the right choice... hate learning all the weapons but luckily i can sorta kiss the tests goodbye... but somehow i managed to score full marks for one of the tests haha... weird... if i dunno the power of optimism, i realised the true miracle of it now. my platoon guys can always think of funny things out of the most irritating or boring situations and for that i take my hat off them. i used to be like that but nowadays i'm just getting easily depressed... hope it's only for a short period cos i still have a long way to go till june man...
yea and how i hate the phrase "grass is always greener on the other side"... going to navy makes me long for army but back in army makes me peer back to navy... really have to stop looking back but i just cant help it sometimes... but at least i have come to the conclusion that i would shine more in army then in navy and i may not like being a naval officer next time... jus have to take thing one at a time now... being stretched to the limit the whole can be real tiring though... hai
it's field camp next week... guess it's stressing everyone... this weekend book out seemed more impt than ever but our instructor purposely held us back... at his mercy... ... jus some of the things to remind me of navy hahah but i must say i like the previous part about coordinating with my section mates for the map drawing and planning... it's like i feel so involved and in control... i need more of this to go on man... haha... but damn tired now... gonna rest... wish me strength and luck in field camp! (my ankle jus got twisted again... sighz)
to be truthful, the week had sped by faster than ever but not without hitches like times when i wonder if i made the right choice... hate learning all the weapons but luckily i can sorta kiss the tests goodbye... but somehow i managed to score full marks for one of the tests haha... weird... if i dunno the power of optimism, i realised the true miracle of it now. my platoon guys can always think of funny things out of the most irritating or boring situations and for that i take my hat off them. i used to be like that but nowadays i'm just getting easily depressed... hope it's only for a short period cos i still have a long way to go till june man...
yea and how i hate the phrase "grass is always greener on the other side"... going to navy makes me long for army but back in army makes me peer back to navy... really have to stop looking back but i just cant help it sometimes... but at least i have come to the conclusion that i would shine more in army then in navy and i may not like being a naval officer next time... jus have to take thing one at a time now... being stretched to the limit the whole can be real tiring though... hai
it's field camp next week... guess it's stressing everyone... this weekend book out seemed more impt than ever but our instructor purposely held us back... at his mercy... ... jus some of the things to remind me of navy hahah but i must say i like the previous part about coordinating with my section mates for the map drawing and planning... it's like i feel so involved and in control... i need more of this to go on man... haha... but damn tired now... gonna rest... wish me strength and luck in field camp! (my ankle jus got twisted again... sighz)
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